I wanna tell you why I was eating myself to death. It all started when I was a kid. I don’t think anyone ever loved me. My classmates certainly did not. They enjoyed making fun of my big glasses and said I was a creepy nerd. And when I got home, my mom would treat me even worse. She always told me I was the reason my dad had left us.
But in all that chaos, I had one thing that made me feel good. And that was food. Whenever I put that chocolate in my mouth, all my worries were gone for a while.
That’s how my addiction started. I ate so much that by the time I was 15, I weighed 300 pounds.
After I dropped out of high school, I moved into my grandmother’s trailer. I’m ashamed to admit this, but she had to take care of me.
At one point, I couldn’t even stand up and go to the bathroom anymore. So how did I go to toilet? Well, I didn’t. I just stayed on the bed while my grandma took care of the rest.
Of course, I felt ashamed of myself. I sometimes checked the facebook profiles of my former classmates and saw them study at good universities or do well in their jobs.Meanwhile, I couldn’t even stand up and leave my bed. At that point I was weighing 600 pounds.
I often got angry thinking about all the opportunities I had missed. During primary school, many teachers had told me I was gifted. And I always had gotten straight A’s in all my math and physics classes without ever learning.
I could have probably gotten a job at a tech company like Google or Microsoft, but instead of making a 6 figure salary, I was living on my grandma’s bed.
One day, my mom came into the trailer and started making fun of me. She said “oh, my big fat boy… I see you are still growing bigger and bigger.” She was laughing and I got so mad. I wanted to grab and strangle her. But I was too fat to move.
That day, I called an ambulance and told them to take me to a hospital. They first had to cut the trailer open because I didn’t fit through the door.
And at the hospital, I told the doctors I wanted a gastric bypass, which is a surgery that makes my stomach smaller, so I can only eat small food portions.
Luckily, the surgery went well, and within just 2 years, I had reached my dream weight. Suddenly, life was so much better.
I could walk into grocery stores without people looking at me with disgust. And I even started online dating where I found my first girlfriend.
But not everything was good. After I got a job at McDonald’s I was immediately fired because I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.
I think I was depressed and that’s why I continued living on my grandma’s bed. Sometimes my girlfriend came over, but it wasn’t a romantic relationship. I think she only met up with me to tell me I was a loser.
She enjoyed making me feel bad and used me as her punching bag. One time I asked her if she wanted to kiss me, but she responded “nah… maybe you’ve lost weight, but I still think you are ugly.”
But despite, my crazy girlfriend, I enrolled myself in an online college. And that was the best thing I ever did.
After 2 years of studying, I got a small job at a software company. I told the HR that I was kinda lazy and wouldn’t work more than 4 hours a day, but they said that’s fine.
Of course, I have a much lower salary than my coworkers, but it’s still enough to rent a small apartment.
And I also broke up with my crazy girlfriend. Did I tell you that she had made it her mission to turn me fat again and whenever she was at my place, she would place small bits of chocolate right in front of me? It was hard to resist them, but I succeeded.
However, my so called girlfriend wasn’t happy about that and tied me up to a chair, so I couldn’t move anymore. Then she forced me to eat several chocolate bars. But because of my gastric bypass and my small stomach, I ended up puking it out again all onto her.
She freaked out and ran outside. And then it took me 5 hours to free myself from the ropes. But afterward, I finally had the self esteem to break up with her over sms.
I’m still lazy and an overall mess, but my life is so much better than it was 4 years ago.
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